I’m doing the laundry today. It feels pretty good to have something to do besides school work and making sure that the World Wide Web is still turning on its axis without me. Lena is sick so I’m taking over the job. She showed up at the house this morning to do the cleaning but I’d heard that she has been sick all weekend with a cold and today is the first day she didn’t have a fever. Apparently her daughter was giving her injections to make her better….injections for a cold are a new one on me, but anyway, I was prepared to turn her around as soon as she got here and…..after I took one look at her….no question, she was on her way back to the bus stop. I promised I would take care of the laundry and ironing so she wouldn’t be too backed up on Friday.
I first met Lena last Tuesday.
John woke me up as he was leaving for work because the maid was coming at nine and I wanted to get my shower, and be dressed in my best sweats and tee shirt before she got there. I wasn't pretending to be someone who's up and dressed before nine every day because that is a total falsehood....well it was in my previous life....not so much now. But I was told she was nervous of dogs so I didn't want her walking into the house with the dog she's never met before guarding the bathroom door. So I get putzing around the house before I get in the shower...John calls to tell me that he called Lena, the maid, and she was just leaving to get the bus and would there in 20 minutes. I asked him if he had let the dog out that morning and he said, "No." So we end our conversation, I scoot from the 3rd floor down to the first to let the dog go pee. When I get there I discover that I'm locked in. I can see that there is a deadbolt engaged but can't see any way on the inside of the door to unlock it. I go to the garage...it's locked and there is no inside release on the garage door. But it does have a lovely series of deadbolts. The dog is not impressed and me...less so. I have someone coming to the house in, by this time, 15 minutes on the most windy chilly God awful day ever with no way to let her in...She can't even get in a car and drive home since she came on the bus. How will she understand me as I try to communicate in English through a steel door? Huff and puff up to the 3rd floor again...the home phone is not working because as the “robot” says, when the English translation kicks in, we haven’t paid our debt. My Verizon cell doesn't work over here, but John gave me a local cell phone the night before. I scramble for that and dammit.....it wants a PIN to open it. It's also set up in Azeri. Now what? I spied the Blackberry charging on an end table.....$3.00 a minute with roaming but this....this was an emergency.
The following conversation ensues as I call John for help......BWAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (That cost him a $75 steak dinner last night). I asked him to send Ali back to unlock the door. He tells me they're too busy right now and he's sorry but he didn't realize that the second lock wasn't able to be opened from the inside. (There are three deadbolts on this door). Finally he says okay, he'd send help......but he didn't...not right away, and Lena is buzzing at the gate and I'm looking like crap (seriously....tired, greasy, unwashed, and frazzled)....BUT finally a small part of my brain engaged (a miracle without coffee) and I thought "I'll drop my keys to her off the balcony." She didn't seem one bit concerned that we met with me hanging off the front of the house trying to toss her some keys. I kept trying to tell her to move over so I wouldn’t end up dropping this 5 pound key ring on her head but it seems she thought “move over” meant “move closer” and as I moved my arm away from her, she kept moving beneath it with her hands extended upward. So as not to break one of her fingers, I tossed them away from her and now she probably thinks that I’m not only helpless but a really bad throw.
I keep asking myself if the purpose of that lock really is to keep someone in....you know, like away from the mall? Even I wouldn’t climb out a window to go overpay for something. However, I guess my suitcases and my butt would, with a little squishing fit out the ground floor windows come tour time. Yeah, I thought of doing a hand off out one of the windows much later.....no coffee, you have to understand. Later that night, John said he wasn't in any rush to get home because he knew I'd figure it out eventually. And honestly, I think I would have if it weren't for the damn phones not working.
Friday went much better, though I’ve forgotten I meant to take that skeleton key away from John. If he starts bringing home bags of candies and pastries to me, I’m going to get suspicious. Lena’s ironing has put me to shame. I’m most impressed. I wonder how long it takes her to do one shirt. I spent a good half hour trying to figure out the washing machine and the dryer, which has a tank to collect the water from the clothes behind a panel on the front. When the tank is full, the dryer stops and you have to empty it to get it to run again….reminds me of the vacuum cleaner. This might be modern laundry technology of which I was blissfully unaware but how odd. The dryer doesn’t vent to the outside…..but then again neither does the hood over the stove. I would guess that 99% of the people here hang there clothes out to dry.
Which is only an issue if one cooks, I suppose. Which reminds me…..frozen pizza the other night which had some kind of mystery bologna on it and corn kernels. Pizza from Turkey, pickles from Bulgaria, jam from Germany, pasta sauce from Azerbaijan, and McCain potato wedges from Poland…..everything seems to get along well enough in my fridge. What’s wrong with people?
The potato chips come from Latvia.
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