Man's Most Expensive Friend

Basically, I'm cheap. I hate to pay for things that I think I am perfectly capable of doing or handling myself. I think I am Superwoman, and that keeps Superman happy because he isn't one to throw money around unless it gets him out of yard work....or improve his automobile. So, true to form, I've decided to take on transporting the beloved pooch out of Baku myself. I'm taking him to Canada for 3 months because the Danes don't want to see him until it's proven that he is free of Azerbaijani dog diseases, including rabies. The Canadians don't care. As long as he has a valid rabies shot, he's welcome to come. And heck, he looks perfectly fine to me....what's a little foam at the corners of the mouth? I don't see any traces of hydrophobia.


Since we got him over here with practically no hassles at all (I sat in an Austin office about an hour waiting for a state veterinarian to sign something; Kenai had to endure a blue-gloved security pat down; and John had to pay a ticketing shortfall at the Lufthansa counter in Houston), I figured it would be pretty simple to get him back out. He has his microchip and his papers....should be pretty simple, right? Unfortunately, there have been a few snags and I can see why those pet transport people get paid the big bucks.

The shortest way from here to Halifax is on British Midland to London Heathrow, wait an hour and a half, then Air Canada direct to Halifax. Total travel time is 14 hours...nice fare only $1400 including the open jaw to Copenhagen in May. We never did get to the fare for the pooch because BMI, it turns out, doesn't fly animals on flights over 5 hours and the Baku to London route is 6 hours. It took me a long time to ascertain what the guy on the phone was trying to tell me. I naively assumed that when one called "British Midland" one would talk to someone who was....well....British. Not exactly the case. What a dumbass I am! He asked me my name 3 times before I figured what he was asking. He kept mumbling things about Belfast and Dublin ...and he must have wondered why I just kept repeating, I'm not going to Dublin! Over and over.... CLICK!

Okay, then....let's try Lufthansa...Baku, Frankfurt, London, I could still make the direct flight to Halifax. I checked with Heathrow and yes, they do have a place to keep dogs who are in transit up to 48 hours. This means no PETS program and no quarantine....just a little cooling of the heels waiting to transfer. Well, Lufthansa and Austrian and all of the others I called, only ship animals through Heathrow as cargo, not as checked baggage. I talked to a guy at Air Canada cargo and he said, "Take him with you if you can, way less hassle, way less paper work, and way cheaper." He said that I could take him through Heathrow as baggage, the Heathrow people also said I could take him as baggage.....the trick is to find and airline who will do it. I went through several Air Canada reservations reps with varying levels of testiness (theirs and mine but mostly theirs) All came back with the same answer in the end. By the end of day one I was beginning to see a pattern. The airlines don't want to deal with it. Everyone else I spoke to, said avoid Heathrow with your dog. Okay....I get it now. No Britania this time 'round. He looks royally pissed to me.


So that leaves, Frankfurt, Istanbul, or Moscow.....which really just leaves Frankfurt. I checked Cheap Tickets to get some idea of what was available to us going that way and there were options from Baku to Halifax via Frankfurt, there would have to be a second stop in either Toronto or Montreal. I threw up a little in my mouth at the $7200 price tag, but maybe Nargiz, our travel agent, could do better. And there wasn't anything else acceptable, though I had visions of John making us go through Istanbul to save a few (well more than a few) thousand dollars.

Now, Kenai's kennel is a little on the big side. We bought him one bigger than he needed so he'd be nice and comfy on his eleven hour flight to Frankfurt last year. The big kennel is a nice luxury but poses a problem with smaller aircraft....like those CRJ's and ERJ's that serve the Halifax airport on so many routes....particularly Montreal runs. But connecting through Montreal would mean less travel time for the dog and so I opted to go that way. Dorval here we come! Too bad there is only one large body aircraft, an Air Bus 320, out of Montreal to Halifax per week....on Sunday evening. Too bad there is no Lufthansa flight out of Baku on Sunday. Nargiz booked me out of Baku on the 20th of April. I had asked for the 18th but the date isn't that big a deal, so I let it go. This meant that I had to figure out how I was going to get the dog onto the ERJ.

And no matter how much he begs, his buddy can't come with him.


My thinking cap is getting worn out. I called Air Canada hoping to get a nice reservations agent who would tell me the maximum size kennel that would fit in the cargo door of the plane. I had measured the kennel we have....I didn't feel very optimistic. When I screwed that sucker together...it was HUGE! Obviously more than one or two sizes bigger than he needed. He's only a Sheltie afterall.

I was told by Air Canada that the maximum dimensions allowed on the ERJ are 80cm X 55 cm X 57.5 cm (an Intermediate size kennel). Not even close to what I have at 98 X 68 X 78! Hmmmmmmmmmm.........

Since I would have to collect Kenai in Montreal along with my bags to clear customs, and do his importation there, couldn't I get the right size cage from Air Canada in Montreal and transfer him into that one? I thought that was a pretty good idea until I learned that Air Canada doesn't sell airline kennels anymore. But surely someone in Montreal does, and I have a six hour stop over, and the dog is free to roam the country with me once he has cleared customs.....so, I would go off in a cab from the airport to buy a smaller kennel.

I thought it would be wise to setup this kennel buying in advance, to save us from cabbing it all over Montreal while our time dwindled from six hours to nothing. That brought me to the Sky Kennel Supply online website and YAY! they deliver via FedEx to anywhere in Canada! I began to plot. I already have a FedEx account! I need to find out the nearest FedEx office and plan to have the right size kennel sent there for pick up. I think how smart I am. My luggage can go back on the belt to Halifax (unless I have to check in again at Air Canada) and I can take the dog with with me. If I have to haul the luggage so be it. I can get a minivan cab to take everything and give him a big tip. I can break down the big Kennel into its two halves, bag it up and send it to Halifax as a checked bag. I don't have that Elite Status for nothing, eh? At this point the luxury of convenience and keeping this simple have gone out the window. Now it's a come hell or high water mission.

I am confident I can get my hands on the right size kennel. Thank goodness, that Sky Kennel Supply is closed for the Easter holidays. I couldn't order the right size kennel until Monday (plenty of time) but I would have had the right size kennel coming for the wrong size dog! Sky Kennel Supply gives their measurements in inches and they categorize the kennels by numbers....100 being the smallest and 700 being the largest. A person is supposed to read this before they go hog wild crazy emailing their travel agent.

How To Choose The Right Size Kennel

By doing a few calculations, I was able to determine that we currently own a #600 kennel....bigger than a #500 and a little smaller than the #700. A regular Buckingham Palace for a Sheltie. According to Sky Kennel Supply, Shelties should fit into a #200 kennel......I imagine there are some Shelties who do.

I was confident, however, he would fit into the #300....which is the largest size an ERJ can take. But for some strange reason, last night I decided we should measure the dog to be sure. Following the guidelines at the website above, we determined that Kenai is actually 4" longer than the #300 kennel and his height is 1" higher. Bummer!

And I had told Nargiz, the tickets looked good, so go ahead and ticket them. I had been so damn proud of myself but now I could see my next set of concert tickets going toward change fees. Crap! Nargiz' email account isn't working, it's ten o'clock at night and I have no way to stop her from issuing the tickets first thing in the morning, if she hasn't already done so. That'll teach me to judge size and distance by eyeball. To think we were worried he would be too fat and he ends up being to long! I don't know how he can sleep through this and seem so unconcerned.

Granted this pooch has a lot of fur, but no amount of compressing, folding, or configuring could get that length down by even so much as half an inch. What to do now?

Well, I took heart by the fact that we had at least managed to get ourselves (on paper at least) to Montreal. From there I could rent a car and drive us the rest of the way, or someone (not sure who) could come and pick us up. Everyone wants a nice 15 hour drive...um...each way, right? But I could rent a car if nothing else. And then there's the train....not sure I can afford a VIA Rail train ride but it's there if I need it.

Day two is not turning out so well, after all. Maybe I do need to call in one of those pet moving people. The kids don't need Christmas presents for the next ten years. I found out the air cargo charges to Montreal alone were $3600 USD....which isn't all that much for a a summer of life guarding services.


But, he still has to get to Halifax and then there are the fees for the service. This is beginning to smell like a 5 figure operation. I wonder if Kenai would like to spend the rest of his years following his true path in life. He is a sheep dog after all and there are plenty of sheep in Azerbaijan.


I sat here last night messing with airline schedules and itineraries. I was about to look for dog friendly hotels in Montreal and book a rental car. In the end I decided to send Nargiz another possibly undeliverable email, asking to be rerouted through Toronto instead of Montreal. There are many flights a day on this route with wide body planes, and Kenai could travel the whole way in his Taj Mahal, and we wouldn't have to crash in Montreal until I felt alert enough to drive home.

I'm afraid to look at how long this trip is going to take but if I do a quick mental calculation it would be about 27 hours. A lot longer than I had planned for his ordeal to last, but he is a pretty good trooper, and he does have experience. And I think he is pretty good shape for an eleven year old.


Deep breath! My ticket is an interesting concoction...Lufthansa paper ticket....Air Canada e-ticket on a BMI blank (can't feature that one at all) and a Scandinavian Airlines e-ticket on who knows what....because in Baku they think it's very odd that we can go to a kiosk with a booking reference number and get a boarding pass. Here you gotta do a few security checks and passport control just to get to the counter. John missed out on 14,000 Aeroplan miles the other week when they ran out of Lufthansa ticket blanks and had to book him on British Airways instead. One of my more WTF-iest moments here yet. But she got the whole shebang this time for $2100 including my open jaw to Copenhagen, somehow she manages to pull it all together in the end.

Even more exciting is that this time I have upgrade certificates in my hot little hands and upgradable fares. I graduated at long last to Star Alliance Gold. I had my first glimpse of the Star Alliance lounge in Copenhagen last week. There was free beer and wine and food and internet. I wanted to stay longer. It's just possible that this time 'round I might get my very first first class seat.

I'll try not to think of the pooch in steerage. I'll try really really hard.